The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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