Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
