My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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