Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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