Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
