yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
