She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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