Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so that wasnt chicken after all
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
