Operation Purity has been aborted
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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