Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
