Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
