i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
