Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
