this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize