***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
