Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
