If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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