Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
