remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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