Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
