I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
