My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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