It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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