Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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