Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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