I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
