Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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