Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
