i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
