No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
