you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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