Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
