what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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