dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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