Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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