"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
