Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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