Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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