I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
