U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drunk is not a location!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
