i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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