When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
