did you get engaged???
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
