I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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