Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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