Whod you bang
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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