I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
