Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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