You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
