is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize