K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
