how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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