went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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