he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
