If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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