Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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