My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
