DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
