Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well you can't waste a boner
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
