ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
