i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
