3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
