i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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