Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
