It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
