Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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