I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
