By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
