Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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