OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
