I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
