My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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