Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I cannot find my penis.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
