Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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