allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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