Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
