I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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