in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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