Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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