I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
