my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will pee on everything he values.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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