he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
