I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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