you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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