Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
