Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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